That Baby Will Be Loved
by ElixClareWriter
Summary: What happens if Eli and Julia have a baby but something goes terribly wrong?
1. Welcome To My Life

Eli's POV

Right as I rolled off of Clare, the baby started to cry. We were both so out of breath that we couldn't even sit up. She was crying her head off still so finally I got up and put my clothes back on and went into the adjacent room and walked over to the pink and white crib. I picked the baby up and walked back into my room and sat down on the bed with my back to Clare. "is she ok?" Clare asked crawling over to me. "yeah she's just hungry" I say in response. "do you want me to make her a bottle?" "no it's fine, I will." I get up from the bed and walk down the stairs to the kitchen with my daughter in my arms and make her a bottle. As I sit down at the table, CeCe walks in "Hey E" she says sleepily. "hey Mom" I say back looking down at my daughter. "you know you only have a couple of more days with her Eli. I don't want you to get too attached." I sigh and roll my eyes and then take the bottle out of the baby's mouth "Mom, can we talk about this tomorrow?" "Elijah," I cringe when she says my full name "Clare knows doesn't she?" "yes." CeCe comes and sits next to me. "Eli I know this is hard, but you have Clare. She will be right there." "I know." CeCe smiles and takes the baby from my arms. "you know, she looks exactly like you." I smile "yeah." CeCe hands me the baby. "goodnight Eli." We both get up and walk in separate directions to our bedrooms.

As I walk back up the stairs, I hear Clare snoring quietly in her sleep. I laugh silently and enter the baby's room. I sit down in the rocking chair with her still in my arms. I look down at my wide-eyed baby and smile. I slowly start to rock her.

_Flashback _

"_ELIJAH" Julia screams as she rakes her long black fingernails down my chest to my abs. "I-I love you" I manage to say threw ragged breathes. Julia started to go up and down faster and I scream out. "I love you too Elijah" she purrs. We were almost "there" when she suddenly stopped her pace and started to go extremely slow on me. "JULIA" I scream "uhh uhh Jules p-p-please" "Eli just enjoy" I thought I was going to die. All of that painful pleasure was just too much. She was still going PAINFULLY slow when she hit her peak and screamed out. As she was coming out of her "moment" I had mine. I screamed out again and we both go limp. "I love you Elijah" Julia says through extremely harsh breathes. "I love you too Julia" I say back through equally harsh breathing._

END OF FLASHBACK

The baby falls asleep and I put her in her crib. "goodnight Julia" I whisper and walk back to my bedroom where Clare is sleeping. I climb back into the bed and pull the covers up and start thinking about Julia. I love Clare, but I miss Julia like crazy. A piece of my heart will forever be gone, and if they take my baby away, I don't know what I'm going to do.


	2. Capri

_7 months earlier_

_Eli's POV_

_The doorbell rang and I walked to the door and opened it. Standing outside was Julia. Her black makeup smeared all down her cheeks, her eyes bloodshot red. "Jules?" she didn't say anything. I suddenly got extremely nervous. I walked out the door then closed it. She sat down on the porch steps and I sat next to her. She looked at me "I'm pregnant". my breath caught in my throat. I looked at her horrified. Julia was the kind of person who was tough and never really showed emotion so this was a completely different side of her. She took my hand in hers "I don't know what to do" "I don't either" I said barely above a whisper. "Elijah," I look her in the eyes "I don't want to have an abortion" "I don't want you to either." she smiles at me through her black tears and I smile back._

Present day

Clare's POV

I wake up naked next to Eli and smile. Eli looks down at me and smiles back. "good morning sexy" I say as I sit up." Good morning beautiful" Eli says back. "I'm sore from last night" I say with a blush. Eli gives his famous smirk "you were pretty wild. I'm surprised that you didn't wake up the whole house with your screams" I laugh, "I am too." I straddle Eli and he grabs my waist and kisses me. I pull his shirt off and run my hands down his abs and he lets out a low groan. I was about to pull his pants down when the baby started to cry. I lean my forehead against Eli's and sigh. "I'm sorry" he says with guilt in his voice. "there is nothing to be sorry for Eli. Go get your daughter." "okay." Eli gets up from the bed and I am left sitting here alone, wishing that the crying, green eyed baby was mine.

_5 months earlier_

_Eli's POV_

_2 months after Julia told me she was pregnant, a lot of things have happened. For example, her dad threaten to kill in which, I did not take lightly. Her mom had been on drugs since she was 2 so she didn't care, but her step mom kicked her out. My parents were of course disappointed , but agreed that Julia could stay with us. She dropped out of school unlike me. I knew that I should stay with her, but she insisted that I kept going. There had been a big change in Julia since she got pregnant. She had been more maternal and she stopped cutting. When I first met her, she cut, a lot. She said she hated her life so she wanted to die. One day during her 5th__ month of pregnancy, we were sitting on my bed just talking when all of a sudden the baby kicked for the first time. "Eli! Holy shit!" Julia exclaimed as she grabbed her stomach. I looked at her "what's wrong?" "it kicked! That was so weird." she grabbed my hand and put it on her stomach and I felt the little person inside of her kick. "wow." "can you believe that's our baby Eli?" she says in whisper. I shake my head "no. I cant". she looks up and smiles at me then kisses me. _


	3. Broken

Present day

Eli's POV

I walked down the hallway to my screaming baby's room. I opened the door and walked over to her dainty crib, a big difference from my black, emo room. I picked her up and rocked her until her tears slowly stopped. When her tears finally stopped all together, I looked into her eyes, my eyes. I smiled down at her and she smiled back. How the hell am I going to give her up? At that thought, tears started flowing freely down my face. Clare came in and looked at me confused. She had never seen me cry. She hurried over to me "Baby what's wrong?" she asked concerned. "I-I-I can-t do-do I-t." by this time I was bawling. "Do what Eli?" "gi-ve h-h-er u-u-up" "what? Why would you have to do that?". I lied to my mom when she asked if Clare knew, because she was completely clueless. By now she had taken Julia out of my arms and put her back in her crib. "baby please tell me what's going on" she pleaded. "o-k". we walked back into my room and sat on my bed. My tears were still flowing harshly but not nearly as bad as they were a minute ago. "when Julia was pr-pregnant, we kn-knew that we coul-dnt take ca-re of a baby. We we-re conside-ring adopt-ion, b-ut after what hap-pened, I kne-w that I wa-nted to keep the b-aby. Julia's par-ents want her now so t-hey are fil-ing for ful-l custo-dy. The lawyer sa-id that sin-ce I am a min-or I basi-cally have n-no chance of gett-ing custod-y" I stuttered through tears and forced breaths. Clare looked at me with tears in her eyes. "they cant do that" "they are gonna take my baby away Clare" I said in a hoarse, teary whisper. "we have to stop them from taking her" "how can we do that?" "I'm not sure, but we will have to find some way." Why is this happening? First Julia, and now my other Julia. Now I know there is no God.


	4. Goodbye My Lover

Eli's POV

That night I fell asleep with Clare by my side. I love her so much, but something inside of me will not let me fall to fast for her. I was sleeping when all of a sudden I was awaken by the sound of crashing thunder and then by a screaming baby. I sigh as I get up and walk to my daughter's room. I pick her up and bring her back to my bedroom where I find Clare awake and sitting up. "hey baby what time is it?" I sit on the bed, "its 4 in the morning" Clare takes the baby into her arms and rocks her and sighs a sad sigh. "what's wrong?" already knowing the answer. "it's nothing Eli." "you can tell me anything Love". "I just wish…." she didn't have to finish. She wanted baby Julia to be hers. I love Clare, but I am glad that baby Julia is Julia and my baby. Baby Julia is the last piece of Julia that I have, and people don't understand that. "I know Clare, and I am sorry that I brought you into this. This has to be extremely hard on you." she sighs" Eli, I love you and I love your baby. As long as you are in this, I am in this with you." I smile and she hands the baby back to me and she lays down and falls asleep. For a long time, I just sit there and hold the baby while it storms outside.

_Flashback_

_I was laying in bed with Julia when all of a sudden thunder and lightening wake both of us up. She sits up in the bed and looks down at me "I hate thunderstorms" she whispers hoarsely. "why?" "I don't really know, I just do" I sit up and lean against the headboard with her "its alright Jules I'm here" she smiles at me "I know". we sat there for a while until Julia's face turned from calm and content to worry and pain. "Jules what's wrong?" "Oh no" she says through clenched teeth. "I-I think its time Eli" oh my god. Julia stands up and walks down the dark stair case. I go to my parents room and tell them. My mom immediately runs down the stairs and helps Julia into the back seat of the car. My dad and I follow. I sit in the back with her and hold her hand through the contractions. "Eli?" she says through panting "yes?" "I'm scared" "me too. Its gonna be ok though, I promise" she nods and we get to the hospital._

_Inside the hospital room_

_Julia screams as she squeezes my hand tightly. I stand beside her and listen to the nurse ask if Julia planned on using an epidural. Julia nodded which was followed by a scream from having a big ass needle being lodged into her spine. I wish I could do something for her. She looks up at me and smiles "we get to see our baby in a few hours" I sill can't believe that "I know. That's crazy" I was silently freaking out but I couldn't let Julia know that. How is it that she is just so calm and excited? I mean we haven't even really decided if we are keeping this baby. This all came too fast. The doctor walks in with a team of nurses. _

_Doctor: "alright Julia you are 10 centimeters dilated which means you are ready to push"_

_Oh my god_

_Julia: *nods* "ok. I'm ready"_

_Doctor: "ok on the count of three you will need to give a big push. 1.2.3"_

_Julia: *pushes and screams*_

_I cant believe this. This is really happening. I stand beside Julia and hold her hand._

_Doctor: "we can see the head so keep pushing"_

_Julia: *pushes* *starts to struggle to breath*_

_Something was wrong._

_Doctor: *looks at the nurse beside Julia* "ok Julia we are going to give you some oxygen so stay really still for a few moments"_

_Julia: *hyperventilating* "but what about the baby?"_

_Doctor: "your baby will be fine but I need you to give a huge push ok? Go"_

_Julia: *still hyperventilating and pushes*_

_Julia's eyes were starting to become glazed over. The nurses were surrounding her so I moved back. Something was terribly, terribly wrong._

_Doctor: "the head is out! Now the shoulders! One more big push"_

_Julia: *cant breathe but pushes* _

_Doctor: "it's a girl!"_

_I have a daughter. She was bloody and purple. Something was wrong with both of them. I look at Julia to see her eyes roll completely back into her head and she starts to shake violently._

_Doctor: "NURSE!"_

_The nurse runs over and stabs a needle into Julia's arm. _

_Julia: *barely breathing* w-w-where is the b-b-baby Eli?_

_The nurse tries to restrain her but Julia kept pushing her away_

_Julia: "I need to see my baby Eli where is my baby?"_

"_she's fine Jules. She's with the doctor." _

_Julia: "wh-why isn't sh-e crying?" *starts to cry*_

_I started crying. I knew Julia was in danger._

_Julia: *eyes start to flutter back and the monitor starts beeping* _

_Everybody pushes me out of the way and they start to put more needles into her and give her CPR. What's going on? I need to know! that's what I wanted to scream, but I stayed silent. In the back of the room, crying, staring at Julia's violently shaking body. I hear the monitor go from beeping erotically to a single tone._

_Doctor: "she's gone"_

_My head snaps up and I look at the doctor "WHAT? No no no she's fine" I was hysterical now. I was pushing people out of the way so I could get to Julia's side. What just happened? A Nurse was trying to take me out of the room but I refused. I just kept pushing them all away. I needed to be by her. The doctor finally came and grabbed my shoulder and pushes me out of the room. I sit on the floor by the door when the doctor comes out again a few moments later. _

_I stare. Glazed over with tears running down my face. What the fuck just happened? _

_Doctor: "I'm sorry, she had a hemorrhage and we couldn't save her''_

_that's when I started to cry hysterically and I realized I was saying something about the baby._

_Doctor: "She is fine. The cord was wrapped around her neck but we got her breathing normally and by herself. She weights 7 pounds 12 ounces. Very healthy. Do you want to hold her?"_

_I stare at the floor and nod. The doctor goes back into the room to get the baby. I stand up and puke into the trash can beside me. Julia is gone. _


	5. Julia

_**Flashback continued **_

_Eli's POV_

_After I sit back down again on the bench beside the hospital room door, I felt hands on my shoulders. I looked to the side to see my dad with sad eyes. "Eli, I'm so sorry son" he says with a sad tone. I look him in the eyes and start to cry again. I just can't believe she's gone. It doesn't feel real. The doctor comes back and I stand up. _

_Doctor: "here is your daughter" he says apologetically _

_He hands me a little bundle. My daughter. _

_My dad puts a hand on my shoulder again and gives a weak smile then walks back into the waiting room where my mom is. The doctor walks back into the room and I sit on the bench. The baby started to stir in her sleep. Still crying, I get up from the bench and walk around the hallway with her. While I was walking, I found another bench and sat down. As I sat down on the bench, the baby started to open her eyes. I was half hoping, half expecting her to have Julia's eyes. When she finally did, to my surprise they were an exact copy of mine. She held a stare that could cut anybody like a knife. _

_**Flashback (during Eli's flashback: does that make any sense? Lol sorry to ruin the moment)**_

_When Julia was 7 months along, we got into a pretty heated argument. Things were said from both of us that were not meant._

_Julia: "ELI! DO YOU THINK IT IS EASY BEING PREGNANT AT 16? I WISH I NEVER WOULD HAVE SLEPT WITH YOU!"_

_Eli: "I WISH THAT IT WASN'T MY FUCKING MISTAKE IN THERE! (gesturing toward her large stomach)" after I said that I immediately regretted it._

_Julia: *looks at Eli with sad and horrified eyes as she grabs her stomach*_

_Eli: *walks over to Julia and touches her hand that's on her stomach* "baby…baby I'm sorry. I didn't mean it….I didn't mean it I promise"_

_Julia: *still looking at him horrified* "how could you say that?" *pushes his hand off of hers*_

_Eli: "baby I was just mad. I'm so sorry" he pleads with her_

_Julia: "this is your child Elijah" she says in a voice full of shock_

_Eli: "I know baby" he says on the verge of tears_

_**End Of Flashback Within the Flashback**_

_**Back to Eli's Other Flashback**_

_As I sat there looking at my daughter, the doctor came out again._

_Doctor: " do you have a name for her?" he says as he sits next to me_

_Eli: "Julia."_

_**END OF FLASHBACK **_


	6. Running Up That Hill

**Eli's POV**

Julia was in my dream again. Every morning I wake up breathing heavily and with tears running down my face. I look over next to me and Clare was gone. I see my phone blinking from the corner of my eye and check the text message and read, *hey baby, I'm sorry I had to leave like that but my mom called and said I had to come home.* I set the phone down and get up and get ready. After that, I walk to the baby's room and change her then take her downstairs with me. Nobody was home. This was the first time I had been left alone since Julia died. My mom never said it directly, but she was afraid to leave me alone, that's why she and my dad always let Clare stay over. The baby starts fussing so I walk to the kitchen and make her a bottle then walk back to the living room and sit on the couch. The house was eerily quiet.

_Flashback _

_Julia laughed, "seriously Eli, this baby needs a name," she says rubbing her stomach. I think for a second, "I have no idea. I don't do girl names." Julia sighed, "but we already have a boy name so we need to think of one if it's a girl." I grab her hand, "Jules, are you for sure we're keeping it?" she looks up at me, "I want to." "I do too, but I mean what about school and you're parents?" She sighs, "I dropped out and who gives a fuck about them? I just want to be with you and our baby, Eli." _

Tears start coming out of my eyes as I look at Julia who was staring up at me. I take the bottle out of her mouth and walk back up the stairs and set her in the playpen in my room then go back downstairs to the kitchen. I open up the silver wear drawer and look for a knife. There wasn't any. I go to my parents room and try to unlock the safe to get the knifes out, but it doesn't work. I groan angrily and the memories of what happened last time flood my mind.

_Flashback_

_I was crying hysterically and looking at a picture of Julia and me from a couple of months ago. I pick up the knife and slowly begin to dig it into my wrist. The pain was amazing. I take the knife and slit again, then again, then again. The crimson blood gushes down my arm. The baby starts screaming and crying and I hear CeCe sigh heavily and walk up the stairs, "Eli get the baby." I didn't answer her. Julia's voice came into my head, "Eli don't do this. Think of the baby. Think of the baby Eli. Please put the knife down. Do it for me, just put it down. I love you don't do this." My eyes become heavy and the sound of the baby screaming becomes farther and farther away. The next thing I hear is CeCe yelling at me, "Eli! Eli!" All I remember after that is waking up in the hospital with restraints around my arms and an IV taped in my arm. I look over to see my mom and dad and a doctor next to them. The doctor looks at me, "please don't mess with the restraints, its just precautionary." I look at him confused then CeCe steps in, "Eli you're on suicide watch for the next 72 hours." _

I grab a rubber band and put it on my wrist then go back upstairs. I snap it hard against my wrist. I look at the baby and immediately stop. What am I doing? My daughter already doesn't have a mother now I take her father away? No. I pick the baby up, "I'm sorry baby. I wont ever leave you again. Daddy wont ever leave you again."

**Later That Night**

**Eli's POV**

I texted Clare goodnight then I laid down and went to sleep. Once again, around 2 AM I wake up breathing hard and crying. I hear the baby cry so I get up and go to her room and see CeCe rocking her. "I can't get her to sleep," she says sleepily. I take the baby out of her arms, "She's hungry." CeCe looks at me a bit surprised, "you can tell her cries apart?" I nod. She smiles then gets up and walks down stairs. After I feed the baby I lay her back down in her crib, she starts crying again. She wants to be held. I walk out of her room and shut the door and sit down in front of it. An hour passes and hearing her cry is horrible. CeCe walks back up the stairs, "You're doing the right thing," she says while she sits down next to me. The baby cries louder and I cringe. I want to run in there and hold her but I know I cant. "It's hard I know. I did exactly what you're doing when you were a baby. You have to do it though or else she will never be able to fall asleep on her own." I look at my mom, "She's been doing this for an hour though." CeCe smiles, "she's fine." I shake my head, "I can't do this," she grabs my arm, "Yes you can, you know her cries, if she needed something you would know." "But she needs me mom. I couldn't hold Julia when she cried but I can hold my baby." She gets a sad look on her face, "I'm sorry baby." The baby's screaming and crying slowly stops. My mom looks at me and smiles, "See? You did it." she gets up, "Go back to bed." I nod and she walks back downstairs. I get up and walk back to my room and lay down in the bed and grab the baby monitor and put it next to me. I fall asleep listening to my baby breathing.


	7. Lullaby

**Eli's POV**

I woke up expecting to hear the baby crying or fussing but it was quiet. I get ready and then walk to her room which was empty. My immediate instinct was to panic, but I assumed she was with CeCe. I walk down the stairs to see CeCe sitting on the couch with Bullfrog; she was crying. "Why are you crying?" I asked almost not wanting to hear the answer. She quickly wipes her tears away and gestures for me to sit next to her. I do and then become nervous when I realized there was no baby around her, "Where's Julia?" my dad grabs her hand, as she answers my question, "She's in our room." I relax a little but I knew something was going on still. "What's going on?" CeCe takes a second to compose herself before responding, "We got a call from the Scott's lawyer," my heart starts beating out of my chest, "He said they are taking the baby tomorrow instead of next week." I felt the tears roll down my face. CeCe wipes the tears away, "this isn't for good. They have to give her back before the custody hearing next month." Anger was rising in my body, "I wont get to see my baby for three weeks Mom." My dad breaks his silence, "We wont let them keep her though." In anger I get up and walk to my parents room to see Julia wide awake in her playpen. I grab her then go upstairs and slam my door shut. The noise makes her cry so I rock her until she stops, "I'm gonna let you know something, I'm really scared I'm gonna loose you. It wasn't supposed to happen this way Jules. Your-" I choke out the word, "mommy and I were supposed to live happily ever after, maybe get married one day and have kids when we were ready, but that all fell apart. But that's not your fault no matter what anybody thinks or says to you, it wasn't your fault. It was Daddy's fault."

_**Flashback**_

_I walk through my bedroom door with the car seat and sit on the edge of the bed looking at the baby in front of me. I was numb. She sat in her cars eat staring at me. Julia should be here. WE should be taking care of our child, not just me. The baby starts to fuss and I have no idea what to do. I get her out of her car seat and check if she needed her diaper changed; she didn't. She wouldn't stop crying so I walk down to CeCe and hand her the baby, "I don't know what to do." CeCe rocks the baby and she stops crying, "She could tell you were tense which makes her feel the same way. Just relax." she hands me the baby and she doesn't cry, "there. Just be patient Eli. I know its hard, but its going to get even harder tonight. You will probably get 3 hours of sleep." I was so dead inside that I didn't care. _

_When night time came around, CeCe suggested that I keep the baby in my room so I wouldn't have to keep getting up through out the night. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because I didn't sleep. Even when the baby slept I didn't sleep. She cried throughout the night which meant I had to hold her. She's my daughter and I hated to hold her. I laid down and put her on my chest which immediately calmed her down and I reluctantly stroked her back. Her little hands grabbed onto my shirt and she fell asleep. Julia should be here. The only time I allowed myself to break down was at the hospital when I witnessed the slaughter of my girlfriend and when the doctor told me she died. The images of her bleeding and screaming for the baby were still fresh in my mind. Tears started flowing down my face and my breathing turned into mild hyperventilating. The baby started to stir so I calmed myself and got my breathing back to normal. I never thought that I would be taking care of a baby by myself, especially at 16. _


	8. Every Time

**Eli's POV**

I lay on my back staring at the ceiling when I feel something next to me. I look over and it's Julia. She drapes a hand across my stomach and moves closer to me. I breathe in her scent for the first time in months. "I wish you were really here with me Jules," I say quietly. She lifts her head and looks me in the eyes, "Baby I am here with you." I shake my head, "When I wake up you won't be." She smiles softly, "Eli I will always be with you." Tears were coming out of my eyes and she wipes them away, "I love you," she says lovingly. "I love you too Julia." She kisses me. "I miss you so much," she looks at me, "I'm never far." I grip onto her tighter. "The baby is beautiful Eli," she says looking over at the baby in the crib next to me, "she looks exactly like you." I grab her hand, "Julia your dad cant take her away from me." "He won't." I didn't believe her, even in my dream. "Please don't leave me Jules." She holds onto me, "Baby it's okay to let me go. I want you to be happy and to move on." I hold onto her protectively and I feel her fade, "Julia please don't go baby." She kisses me for the very last time, "I have to Eli. Let me go." And with that she was gone. I woke up screaming for Julia. I look over at the clock, 4: 21 A.M. Today was the last day I get to see my baby for three weeks. I grab my phone and text Clare even though I knew she wouldn't be up for a few more hours, *Hey can you come over later? I really need you.*I set the phone down and go over to the crib beside the bed and pick the newly awaken baby up. I knew they were going to have to forcefully take her away from me.

**11 A.M.**

The sound of someone in Julia's room woke me up. I walk to her room to see CeCe and Bullfrog packing Julia's necessities into boxes; clothes, bottles, pack-in-play. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. CeCe looks up at me and gives a weak sympathetic smile, "I'm sorry baby." I felt numb again. I walk back to my room and see my phone blinking so I pick it up and read the text message, *Yeah baby I will be over soon* I text back, *Thanx*. I get the energy to get ready then grab the baby and change her before going downstairs to wait for Clare. CeCe comes down the stairs and sits next to me, "They are coming at 2." I nod robotically and she gets up and goes back upstairs. Tears once again start coming out of my eyes and I hold the baby closer to me. There was a knock at the door and I hear Bullfrog come down the stairs and open it. I heard Clare's voice and then I saw her and she came and sat next to me. She moves her hand to my shoulder, "What's going on?" she asks quietly. I try to hold back the tears, but it's no use, "They're taking her today." She grips my shoulder tighter, "Oh my God," I hear her say under her breath. I look at her, "I don't know what I'm gonna do Clare." She takes a second then answers, "You're going to stay strong and not give up. You're going to fight for her." I look down at Julia, "Why am I being punished? Why does God hate me this much?" Clare sighs, "Eli you're not being punished and God doesn't hate you. Everything happens for a reason." Her words were painful and they made me mad, "Your saying Julia died because of 'God's Plan?' Fuck that. She died because I got her pregnant. If that didn't happen, she would still be here." Clare's body became tense at my remarks to God, but then soon relaxed, "But your daughter wouldn't be." I felt sick to my stomach. I was a horrible father for saying that about my baby. I knew that if Julia had a say in what happened, she wouldn't have changed a thing. She would have saved our baby's life over her own. I cant even imagine life without my daughter.

_**Flashback**_

_CeCe set up an appointment for Julia with the OBGYN. Julia, CeCe, and I went into the small room and the nurse told us the doctor would be with us in a few moments. I didn't know why, but I was nervous. Julia noticed and grabbed my hand. The doctor walked in, "Hi Julia I'm doctor Daniels," she said as she sat down on the stool in front of a sonogram machine." She looked at me and smiled, "You must be Daddy." My stomach does uncomfortable flip-flops when she calls me 'Daddy'. CeCe introduces herself and then the appointment goes on. "Alright Julia I'm going to have you lay down on this bed here for me and lift your shirt," Doctor Daniels turns the machine on and grabs the thing that goes on Julia's stomach and puts blue gel on it. Julia lays down on the bed and lifts her shirt. She had a small bump, but not big enough for someone who didn't know she was pregnant to notice. "This might be cold," the doctor says while rubbing the device over Julia's stomach. She was gliding it all over and the room was quiet until I heard it; the baby's heartbeat. I look from Julia to the screen in shock. The heartbeat was fast, almost erratic and Julia got scared, "Is it supposed to be that fast?" "Yes, if it was any slower the baby couldn't receive oxygen from the umbilical cord," the doctor reassures her. Julia looks over at me with a smile, "That's our baby Eli." _

Later

Clare, Julia, and I havent moved from our original place on the couch in what seemed like forever. The baby has been sleeping most of the time and I have just been staring at her, savoring the last few hours we had together. Clare would occasionally grip my shoulder or rub my back, but other then that it had been quiet. I decided to break the silence, "Thank you for staying with me." "Of course," she says sadly. I hadn't noticed the time, until CeCe came down with Bullfrog and looked at me solemnly, "It's almost time." She slowly takes the baby out of my hand and goes to change her. This is what it will feel like after they take her; empty. She comes back a few minutes later with the baby and I immediately grab her and hold her. There was a knock at the door and I knew what was going to come. Bullfrog grips my shoulder, "stay calm Eli," and he goes to answer the door. I stand up and walk farther away from the door. Julia's dad, step mom, their lawyer, and four cops come in. My instincts kick in and I hold the baby tight. "Eli we don't want this to get violent," Julia's dad says. I want to beat the shit out of him, but instead I just give him a cold glare. CeCe steps in, "Lets all just do this rationally okay?" The cops walk toward me and I hold Julia to my chest. One cop, a girl, gets in front of me, 'I know this is hard but please hand her over." My eyes become waterfalls. The three other cops come up next to her and inch slowly closer to me. Why was this happening? Two cops quickly grab my forearms and the girl cop tries to pry the baby out of my hands. I hold her tighter. She gets a hold of Julia and when the two cops grab my arms and pull them back, and she grabs the screaming and crying baby. I break free from one of the cop's grip and start hitting and punching and scratching him. The girl cop quickly puts the baby into her car seat. I sop beating the cops and look at her, "P-pleas l-l-let me s-say goodbye." The cop looks at Julia's parents and they nod. The cops let me go and she brings the baby over to me in her car seat and they all leave and go into the kitchen except for the fourth cop who was the biggest, he guarded the front door. I get the baby out of her car seat and hold her to my chest, "I love you baby girl and I am going to get you back. I promise, Daddy is gonna get you back." They came back in and I shakily put her back in the car seat. The girl cop hands the car seat to Julia's step mom and the other two cops hold me back. They begin to walk out the door. I break free and run to the door. "N-no please don't take her! Please!" I was crying so hard I could barely stand. They start getting the baby in the car, "YOU'RE A FUCKING BASTARD! YOU CANT TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME!" They close the car door and they get in themselves. "Don't run," the cop on the left says as they let go of me. I drop to my knees as they start the car. The cops all go to their cars and drive away along with Julia's parents. She's gone. My body shakes and my vision is basically gone. I can hear my mom, Clare, and even my dad crying behind me. Clare comes up and holds me tight as I sob. "It's okay baby you're going to get her back," she whispers as she strokes my back. My wrists ache for release. Thinking of slicing them open is almost to much, so I lightly push Clare away and get up. She gets up with me and waits for me to make the next move. I grab her hand and walk up the stairs and get to my room. I shut the door and we lay down on the bed. She holds me and my hysterics slowly turn to whimpers.

**That Night**

Clare called her mom and said she was staying the night with Ali so she could stay with me. The need to bleed hadn't left me, but I needed Clare to keep me from doing it. I had cried for her to let me slaughter my wrists, but she would just hold me tighter and let me cry. "C-Clare please!" She takes my hand in hers and slowly moves it to my wrist and strokes it, "No." I watch her rub the scars softly. "I won't let you kill yourself Eli," she says quietly. She looked me in the eyes and saw the immense pain in them. "Baby I will be right back," she says getting up. I grab her hand, "hurry." She goes to the door then walks down the stairs. She comes back a few seconds later, "here," she hands me a rubber band. I take it and put it on my wrist and snap it hard. I could see Clare beside me flinching every time the band hit my wrist. The feeling wasn't the same as cutting, but I needed some sort of pain to remind me that I was alive. After a few minutes of snapping, Clare can't take it, "Not so hard," she says quietly. I take a deep breath then begin to snap again, but not as hard and erratic as before. Three weeks, I have to make it for three weeks like this.


	9. Author's Note

Hey guys! I just wanted to do a quick author's note before the next chapter comes up either tomorrow or the next day. First off I wanted to say thank you for all of the amazing reviews! They really mean a lot to me. Second off, I wanted to explain some things in this story. Everything that happened at Degrassi; fights with Fitz, being friends with Adam, everything with Clare is all the same as in the show. In this story though, Clare and Eli's relationship moves faster and during the episode where Eli tells Clare, "this is where I killed my girlfriend," that's all the same except for that part of course. Clare feels like Eli has a big dark secret and she later finds out what that is; baby Julia. I am also saying that the baby is currently 2 months old because I kind of lost track of the time haha sorry. I'm also not making Eli into a hoarder in this story, but I might if a do another story. And last but not least, I am really trying to make Eli NOT sound like a pussy lol. I am just thinking that he feels comfortable enough with Clare that he feels he can explode around her. He held his emotions in for so long that he became hyper-sensitive after he opens up to her.

-ElixClareWriter


	10. Yesterday

Clare's POV

I looked at Eli's clock; 3:23 A.M. He has been asleep for two hours, the longest he has stayed asleep all night. He's woken up too many times to count having panic attacks. Watching him like this is hell, but I love him and would do anything for him even if that includes calming him down when he screams for his baby. When I first met him, he never showed any kind of emotion. He came off as almost heartless.

_Flashback_

_I was walking into school for the first day of Sophomore year when I saw him; Eli Goldsworthy. He wore all black, had black hair, and piercing green eyes. I didn't want to go near him. As the day went on, I went to English class only to see the stranger I bumped into earlier. I sit behind him and Ms. Dawes assigns us our homework, "Clare you're partners with Eli." I died. He turns around and smirks, then turns back around. When class got out, I ran into him again, literally. "S-sorry," I stammer as he smirks and walks away. I walk up to Ali, "ugh! He's just so….ugh!" she rolls her eyes, "We get it Clare you're in love with Eli." _

Eli's POV

I can't take this. I thought that sleep would somehow make everything better, but it only makes it worse. Every time I close my eyes I see her. I just want to hold my baby. All of those times in the beginning when I didn't want to look at her I take back. All of those times where I wished it was her who died instead of Julia I take back.

_Flashback_

_The coffin was slowly being lowered into the ground. Her parents and everybody around them were crying. When the coffin got to its destination, the pastor said a few 'holy words.' Bull shit. That shit isn't real. Julia's dad and step mom each throw white orchid flowers in on top of the coffin and watch as the dirt begins to fall back into the hole. I couldn't cry even though I wanted to. The feeling of emptiness and regret overcomes me as I look at Julia's parents. When the grave is full of dirt again, everybody bows their heads and prays. As this is going on, I notice Julia's gravestone; "Julia Marie Scott: A wonderful daughter taken away from us too soon." Everybody soon leaves along with CeCe and I. _

_We walk through the door and I immediately walk up the stairs, not wanting to even look at the baby. I close my door and blast DeadHand then change out of my funeral attire. The baby starts crying and I can hear CeCe and Bullfrog trying to comfort her, "What does the little bugger want?" I can hear Bullfrog ask. CeCe walks up the stairs and goes into the baby's room which is right next to mine and starts talking to her, "Hey there don't cry it's okay baby girl. Do you need your diaper changed?…no. What's the matter then? Bullfrog already fed you and you just woke up. Do you just need someone to hold you?" She walks with the baby back and forth in front of my bedroom door. The baby's cries wouldn't stop and she was starting to get annoyed, "Julia hunny what's the matter?" When she said her name, I cringed. I turn the music off then go to my door and slowly put my hand on the doorknob, trying to get the courage to open it. I turn the knob and see CeCe rocking the baby. She looks up from the baby and at me, "I'm sorry she just wont stop crying." I look at the baby, "give her to me." CeCe looks apologetically at me, "Eli I can get her to stop-" I cut her off, "No it's okay, I want to take her." She hands me the baby and I take her. CeCe walks down the stairs but then turns back to me, "If you want a break later I will take her." I nod then walk into the baby's room. On a shelf next to some bottles is a picture of Julia. It feels like I haven't seen her in years. I walk up to it and the baby stops crying and lays her ear against my heart. Her innocence makes me hate myself for wanting to hate her. I knew then that I needed to step up and be a father to her, even if it was going to be the most painful thing I would ever do. _


	11. Speechless

Eli's POV

I woke up to Bullfrog banging on my door and yelling for me to get up. I move my arm and reach for Clare, but she isn't there. I walk to the door and open it and see Bullfrog, "what the fuck is going on?" his voice is calm, "we have a meeting with the lawyer in 30 minutes." Great, another lawyer telling me I can't have full custody over my own kid. "Is Clare still here?" he smirks, "downstairs with CeCe." I nod then go back into my room and get ready. The doorbell rings right as I walk down the stairs. Clare comes up to me and grabs my hand giving me a reassuring look. Bullfrog opens the door and a middle-aged woman with dyed blonde hair and red rimmed glasses walks in and introduces herself as Ruby Anderson. We all introduce ourselves and CeCe suggests we go into the living room. Everybody sits down and she tells us to call her Ruby. "I read this case and I feel like if we try hard enough we can get this little girl back." I wanted to feel relieved, I really did, but I didn't. She looks at me with an odd look in her eyes then politely asks everyone except for me to leave the room for a few minutes. They all leave and I am left with a stranger who I hope will get my daughter back for me. "Eli right?" she asks while looking at papers. "Yeah." She looks me up and down, smiles softly, then brings her glasses down to the edge of her nose, "Can I be very honest with you?" I become nervous but nod. "I never had a father growing up, but if I did, I would want one just like you." I pin my eyebrows together. She smiles, "You are fighting for a baby that you are raising by yourself at 16. That's not something that happens everyday." I stay quiet, but smile inside. "Now, can you tell me how your child's grandparents got temporary custody." As I answered, the memory of the day hurt almost as bad as the actual day.

Flashback

The baby was crying so I picked her up out of her crib and walked with her downstairs to the living room where CeCe was. She got up and went to the kitchen getting the baby a bottle. The doorbell rang and I got up and answered it. Outside the door, was a man dressed in a suit carrying a briefcase with a large white envelope in his hand. "Elijah Goldsworthy?" the man asked half-heartedly. "Uh yeah?" he hands me the envelope and walks away. What the fuck? CeCe walks back into the living room as I sit back down with the baby and stare at the envlope confused. "what's that?" CeCe asks. I shrug, "I don't know some guy just gave it to me." It was addressed to 'Elijah Goldsworthy' from 'DCPS: Department of Child Protective Services'. I hand the baby to CeCe and open it; the only thing that stuck out was, 'Involuntarily revoking of the parental rights of Elijah Goldsworthy'- in other words, they are taking Julia away from me. I start shaking slightly as I try to catch my breath and see past the tears brimming in my eyes. CeCe became nervous, "Eli what does it say?" I slowly look up at her horrified. She becomes scared and asks sternly, "Elijah what does it say." I can't find my voice, all I can do is shakily hand her the piece of paper. She reads it and her eyes start to water and she bring her hand to her mouth. I find my voice, "They're taking her," I say huskily. CeCe looks up at me, "We won't let them. I will be right back." She gets up and hands me the baby then walks into the kitchen and to the phone. I look at the baby in shock when I hear CeCe on the phone, "How could you do this to him David? No….. No you listen to me, she is his child… I understand she is your granddaughter because she is mine too, but you have no right to take her from him…..Yeah I guess we will see you in court,' she slams the phone down onto the charger and I hear her burst into tears.

Eli's POV

"Oh my God," Ruby says quietly. I look at her and wait for her to tell me what we are going to do next. She sighed, "I promise you Eli, I will do everything to fight your daughter." I smile weakly and nod. "It says here you get her back in three weeks then you have her for two days then you go to family court," she says looking through some papers. "yes," I say lifelessly. As she goes through all of the papers then suddenly stops and smiles. She takes a half sheet of paper in her hands and pushes her glasses up, "She's beautiful," she says looking at a picture of the baby and then at me. I smile for the first time in what feels like a long time. "Is it okay if we call your family back in?" she ask. I nod and then she call them all back in. Clare sits next to me and holds my hand while CeCe and Bullfrog are on the loveseat next to the couch. "I know for a fact that the Scott's lawyer will play every card he has against you and your family." Ruby takes a piece of paper in her hands then looks at me with a strange look; I knew she read about the 'attempted suicide.' I am in deep shit.


	12. Secrets

**Clare's POV**

It's been a week since Eli met with the lawyer. I had to go back to school and fill Adam in on everything that is going on. Adam knew a lot more in the beginning then I did, he is Eli's best friend. I was talking with Adam at my locker, when all of a sudden I feel hands on my waist and I see Adam smile. I smile then turn around to see Eli smirking, "hey girlfriend." I smile wider, "what are you doing here." He shrugs, "Can't stay at home forever." I was about to kiss him when Adam coughs, signaling a teacher. We move away from each other immediately and Ms. Dawes walks by, "Well hello you two. Eli, good to see you're back." He fake smiles, "it's good to be back." She walks away and I quickly kiss him. "You two are so cheesy," Adam says while pretending to gag. I roll my eyes and laugh then walk to class with Eli. It feels like yesterday that I started falling for Eli and he started falling further and further away from me.

_**Flashback**_

"_I don't know Adam, it's like he has some big dark secret or something," I say with a sigh. I could tell that Eli had been hiding something. Ever since he started getting closer to me, he pulls away; distances himself. Adam sighs, "Clare I'm sure he will tell you when he's ready." I start to get really mad, "Tell me what Adam?" He backs away, "Like I said, he will tell you when he's ready." "Tell me where he lives or"-I grab his precious comic book- "This will become shreds of paper." He panics, "Okay okay okay"- I hand him back the book and he tell me his address. "Why isnt Eli at school anyway?" I say walking with Adam to the parking lot. He sighs slightly, "You'll know why soon enough."_

_I put my helmet on the seat of my bike then reluctantly walk up to his door and knock. I step back and then Eli opens the door and looks at me, "damn it Adam." He steps outside and closes the door, "So you found me." I take a deep breath, "Eli you and I both know that there is something between us." He looks away from me, "I'm sorry I led you on." I look at him furiously, "You are seriously messed up," I spat walking down the porch steps. He walks behind me and tenderly grabs my arm, "wait." I turn around and face him. He sighs, "I think it's time you come inside." We both walk up the stairs and into his house. He shuts the door behind me and gives me a solemn look then walks up the stairs with me following. We stop at a closed door, "Eli what's going on?" He slowly opens the door and walks in. I stay where I am and he turns around, "Come on," I slowly walk into the dark room. He leans over slightly and picks something up then walks back over to me. Oh my God, he's holding a baby. I look at him shocked. "This is my secret,; Julia" he says looking down at the baby in his arms. "Y-you have a-a love child?" He tenses a bit when I call the baby that, "I'm sorry I didn't mean"- he cuts me off, "It's fine, I know what you mean." The baby was adorable, she was dressed in a white and black long sleeved onsey that had a red smiley face on it. She had a white bowed headband in her black hair, and her eyes were piercing green; Eli's. I smile down at the baby, "She's beautiful, Eli. Where is her mother?" I saw something change in Eli's face when I asked that question. He takes a second and then answers, "She died." I get closer to him, "Oh my God, h-how?" I ask quietly. "Giving birth to our daughter, she bleed out, hemorrhaged is what they said." No wonder Eli is so dark, he witnessed the death of his girlfriend, "So you're raising her alone?" He nods slowly then walks back over to the crib and sets the baby down. We walk out of her room and he shuts the door. He looks at me, "The reason I didn't tell you this sooner was because I didn't want to scare you off." I hug him, "I think what you're doing is amazing." _

**Clare's POV**

The bell rings for the end of class and I walk up to Eli, "So how are things going?" I was almost afraid to bring the subject up. "It's still hard walking by her room everyday, but being with you makes it a lot better." I smile and look around before I quickly kiss him then walk to my locker.


	13. Patience

**Clare's POV**

I hated being alone, especially at night. Tonight was my dad's turn to stay at the house with me, but ever since he met his new girlfriend he is rarely ever here. I sigh and grab my phone and text Eli, *Need any company tonight?* I push send and wait. A few seconds later he texts back, *Of course ;)* I smile and walk out the front door and walk to Eli's house.

**Eli's POV**

I didn't want to tell Clare, but I haven't been any better since those sons of bitches took my daughter. The relief that filled me when she texted was the best feeling in the world. There was a knock at the door and I opened it to see Clare smiling brightly at me. "Hey," I say with a forced smile. She walks in and kisses me hungrily wrapping her arms around my neck. I grab her waist and kiss her back and slowly run my hands up her shirt. She pulls back, "You're room," she says quietly. I smirk then lead her upstairs to my room and close and lock the door behind her. She walks to my bed and lays down waiting for me. I get on top of her and kiss her neck and she moans quietly, making me even harder. She laces her hands through my hair and I lightly bite her neck. I go back up to her lips and she pushes me off and gets on top and straddles me. No. I cant have sex this way anymore. She notices my discomfort but doesn't ask. If she did ask, what would I say? I couldn't tell her that's the way Julia and I conceived our child. 'Eli'-I mentally yell at myself, 'Don't go there.' I shook the feelings away and flipped us so I was on top of her again. She smiled softly and ran her hands up my shirt and took it off. I did the same to her. I kiss from her neck to her chest and lightly suck on the skin in the middle of her chest making her moan. I take her bra off and she moves her hands to the front of my jeans and undoes them. I slip off my jeans and then slip Clare's off. She tugged at my boxers and took them off and I took her underwear off too. She spreads her legs and I position myself and slowly enter her. She moans and grips my hair closing her eyes. My breathing turns to panting as I thrust deep inside of her. "Eli!" she screams and pulls my hair making me groan loud and thrust deeper. She moans and strokes my hair as my head falls to the crook of her neck. "Oh! Elijah yes!" Clare moans. I refused to look at her after that. She unlaces one hand from my hair and rakes it down my back making me moan. I kept my face hidden from Clare and she was starting to notice that I wouldn't look at her. She moves her hand back to my hair and pulls it making me look at her. I was crying. Her eyes became worried, "Eli"- I cut her off by thrusting deep making her moan. I felt her walls start to contract and she moaned loudly gripping my back, "ELIJAH!" she screams as she climaxes. I kept thrusting and I can feel how close I am. One more thrust and I lost it. "JULIA!" I screamed as I came inside of Clare. Shit. The tears return as I hide my face in the crook of her neck. I can feel Clare crying silently underneath me. "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry Clare," I whisper in between pants. I pull out and lay next to her. She moves her head and looks completely away from me. Her silent crying turns to bawling. I lightly run my hand down her arm and she jerks it away, turning on her side. How the fuck can I keep doing this to her? I am so fucking screwed up. Clare's back was shaking as she cried. I slowly take her into my arms and at first she tries to push me away, but I hold onto her tighter. I play with her messy curls as she cries into my bear chest. "I'm so sorry," I say quietly. She slowly lifts her head and looks at me, "Were you pretending I was her?" A punch to the stomach would have been easier to get over then that question. I look down at her, "No." Her eyes narrowed and more tears fell from her eyes. I wiped them away and she just stared at me hurt. "I knew I was making love to you," I force myself to say. I didn't want to look her in the eyes, but I did. She lays her head on my chest again and traces the scars resentfully.

_Flashback_

_I lead Clare to my bedroom and once we get there we sit on the bed. She breaths heavily then looks at me with lust filled eyes, "Eli, I want to spend the night with you." I sigh, "Clare, no. You have beliefs." She moves closer to me, " love you and I want to do this." I shake my head, "No, Clare. You are going to regret it." She sighs angrily, "Eli, I want this more then anything. I got on birth control and I am ready." I look at her, "Are you absolutely sure about this?" She nods and I slowly kiss her. She wraps her arms around my neck and I lightly push her down on to the bed and get on top of her. I start kissing her neck making her moan. She runs her hands up my shirt but I stop her by doing the same to her. She moves away from my lips and I slip her shirt off. Once her shirt comes off, she resumes running her hands up my shirt and she starts to try and lift it, but I stop her. She looks up at me confused. I look at her apologetically and let her take my shirt off. When she gets it all the way off, she looks at my torso with scared eyes. The scars. From the middle of my chest down to my pelvis, I have 'love marks.' When I would have sex with Julia, she would claw and bite me hard leaving scars. I looked down at Clare, "Julia liked it…..rough," I say apologetically. Her horror-filled eyes meet mine, "Eli I can't"- I cut her off, "Of course not. I don't want you to." She relaxed and I leaned down and kissed her._

**Clare's POV**

As I traced Eli's scars, I realized I would never receive the love that Eli gave to Julia. I took a deep breath, "Eli, I know you will always love her and I am not trying to replace her, but can you love me too?" I felt Eli shift and I look up at him and he looks down at me with soft eyes, "Clare I do."

**Later that night**

**Eli's POV**

Clare fell asleep with her head on my chest. I couldn't sleep so I silently watched her. Around 2 A.M, Clare lifted her head and looked at me, "Have you been watching me?" I nod and she smiles softly. "I love you," I say quietly as I stroke her messy curls. "I love you too, Eli," she says lovingly back. She lays her head back on my chest and falls to sleep.


	14. Fall For You

**Eli's POV**

Its been two weeks. Two weeks of silence. Two weeks of waiting. Ever since that night with Clare, she has been distant. I can't say I blame her considering what happened. She talks to me at school, but if I want to talk to her outside school I have to instigate it and the conversation is forced and awkward. I drive everybody that I care about away. I'm so fucking screwed up.

**At school**

I walk up to Clare at her locker, "hey," she said awkwardly while shutting her locker door. "I'm sorry," I say a bit more forcefully then planned. She flinched, "Eli I know." I shake my head, "No you don't. What do you want from me Clare? I said I was sorry. What else can I do to make you forgive me?" She narrowed her eyes, "I want you to tell me exactly how you feel about me." I laugh darkly, "You already know." She shakes her head, "Then why can't you say it?" "Because if I say it something horrible will happen to you!" She looks at me sad and confused, "What?" I sigh, "You can't even imagine how much I care about you Clare. Every time I feel this way about someone, they are always taken away from me." Her eyes lighten, "Eli I'm not going anywhere." I pull her close to me and she wraps her arms around my neck, "I really do forgive you," she says quietly. "Thank you," I say back. We pull away from each other and she quickly kisses me before walking to her class.

**After school: At Eli's House**

**Clare's POV**

I need to get away from my parents, so I went home with Eli. We walked in the door and set our stuff down at the foot of the stairs. We began to walk up them, when we heard CeCe and Bullfrog talking in the kitchen. "Can you believe how big she's gotten? She's really starting to get a lot of black hair. We were lucky they were at the store they same time that we were," CeCe says to Bullfrog. "I know, she looks identical to Eli," I hear Bullfrog's raspy voice say to CeCe. They are talking about Julia. I look to Eli who looks pissed and sad at the same time. "She's always looked like Eli but now, wow! But damn was she wearing a shit load of pink!" CeCe and Bullfrog both laugh. I can tell Eli would have a panic attack if they kept mentioning her. "I hate those fuckers. They don't love her like Eli does," CeCe says. Bullfrog sighs, "Nobody will ever love her like he does." Eli was about to explode. I though he was going to punch a hole in the wall. "Eli…." I trail off. He looks at me with eyes filled with hundreds of emotions, "They saw her." I sigh, "I'm sorry. You only have one more week though," I say apologetically. He nods sadly and we walk upstairs to his room and pretend that we never heard what CeCe and Bullfrog were talking about.


	15. Hallelujah

**Eli's POV**

**At school**

One more day. I just have to make it through school today and then I get her back tomorrow. Hearing CeCe and Bullfrog talk about how big she's gotten pisses me off. Her estranged grandparents get to see her change everyday and I, her own father, don't. This fucking clock won't move. Five minutes until school is out. Shoot me.

As the final bell rings, I get up to leave, but Ms. Dawes comes in. "Eli, can I talk to you in my classroom please?" she asks seriously. I nod and follow her to her classroom. She closes the door and looks at me with a sympathetic look, "Eli, is there something you want to talk about?" I become defensive, "No. Why would I want to talk about anything?" Her voice becomes softer, "I read your writing assignment and it's very morbid," I interject, "that was the assignment," her eyes lighten, "Yes, I know. I am concerned though. You write about an endless pit of blackness; never finding a way out." I glare. "Eli, I understand you have a lot going on in your life right now,"- "You have NO idea what's going on in my life." She sighs, "I'm sorry." I walk out of the room pissed.

**After School**

I walk through the door and immediately drop my bag and start walking up the stairs, but stop when I hear CeCe call my name from the kitchen. I walk into the kitchen and see CeCe standing with her back to me and talking to Bullfrog. "Yeah?" I ask. She turns around and my eyes widen; she was holding my baby. "Ruby convinced them to bring her back a night early," she says smiling. She walks over and hands her to me. Her hair WAS jet black and she was getting a lot of it. CeCe obviously changed her out of her pink clothes because she was now in black and red. I can't believe I am actually holding her again. The baby smiles when I get her in my arms. In that moment, everything felt right. I walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room and sit on the bed with the baby in my arms. She starts 'talking' and kicking her legs moving her arms around. I set her down next to me on the bed and grab her little hand, "I missed you so much baby girl." She smiles and 'talks' back.

**Later That Night**

Since CeCe handed me the baby, I havent been able to put her down. When somebody tries to take her, I have a panic attack. I need to be able to see her at all times. While she sleeps on the bed next to me, I cant help but think about next weekend; the custody hearing. Ruby told me they would be asking horrible questions to get a reaction out of me that says I am an 'unfit' parent. I cant think about that right now though, I just want to be with my daughter. She stirs next to me and I pick her up and lay her on my chest. She settles in and goes back to sleep. I hear someone come up the stairs and then I see my door open. CeCe walks in and smiles at the baby then looks back at me, "I need to talk to you," she whispers. Not wanting to leave the baby, I give her a pleading look. She shakes her head and motions for me to come with her. I sigh and carefully lift the baby off of me and set her down on the bed then leave the room with my mom. She closes the bedroom door then looks at me, "Eli, you have to keep her on schedule. She can stay with you tonight but tomorrow she goes back in her crib." I get pissed, "I haven't seen her in three fucking weeks, Mom. I don't think a couple of nights will make that much of a difference." She gives me a look, "I know, but you have to remember that she needs some sort of stability." What the fuck was she saying? That I cant do that for her? Fuck that shit. "Whatever," I whisper angrily. She sighs, "Just go back to her." I walk back into the room and shut the door, finding my way back to the bed to the sleeping baby in it. I cant loose her, not again.


	16. Speeding Cars

**Eli's POV**

The day after I got Julia back, I called Clare and let her know. She was clearly happy because she rushed over to my house the second I got off the phone with her. "She's so much bigger!" She exclaimed and the baby smiled at her. "Yeah," I say while looking down at her. "Are you going back to school on Monday or are you staying home with her," She asked while playing with the baby's hair. I sigh, "I don't have a choice, I have to go back to school." "At least you'll know she will be here when you get home," Clare said. I smile at the thought, "I guess that's true."

**Monday At School**

I quickly hugged Clare before walking to my class. I started walking down the hallway when all of a sudden I get pushed up against a wall. "Where do you think you're going emo boy?" Fitz asks wildly. The first thing I wanted to do was punch him square in the face, but I kept calm. "To class," I say through gritted teeth. He smirks, "No you're not." The bell rings and I try to get out of his grip, but he just pulls me out the door and into the parking lot. "You think I'm gonna let you hurt Clare?" he asks while popping his knuckles. "What the fuck are you talking-" before I could finish, he punches me hard in the stomach, making me fall to the ground in pain. "Come on emo boy fight back," he spats at me. I take a deep breath and try to control the animalistic side that was about to come out of me, but all attempts failed. I jump up and shove him making him fall to the ground. He laughs darkly, "is that all you got?" I jump on him and punch him in the nose. I look at my hand to see blood on it, I smile darkly. He punches me in the eyes and we end up rolling on the ground. He gets on top of me and punches me in the jaw and I push him off then get on top of him. Right as I was about to take his head and slam it against the concrete, I feel someone pull me off of him. One school cop was handcuffing me while the other was handcuffing Fitz. He brings me to the school doors and pushes me inside and then into Simpson's office. Simpson looks at me pissed, "Eli what is going on?" "I caught this one and another one fighting in the parking lot," The cop says lifelessly. Simpson stares at me disappointed, "Sit down, I'm going to call your parents." The cop unlocks the handcuffs and roughly pushes me down in a seat across from Simpson's desk then walks away. Simpson calls my parents and after five awkward minutes, I see Bullfrog and CeCe, who was carrying the baby, rush in. "Elijah what the hell is going on?" She asks angrily. "Please sit Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy," Simpson says softly. They sit next to me and I immediately grab the baby and hold her close. He gives me a sympathetic look and sighs, "This wont be going on your record, Eli." "Thank you Mr. Simpson," CeCe says gratefully. "But if this EVER happens again-" He starts, but I cut him off, "It won't," he nods, "Ok." The baby starts fussing so I rock her. CeCe reaches for her, but I jerk away. "Eli, why don't you step outside for a moment so I can talk to your parents?" Simpson asks. I nod and walk out of the room with the baby. As I wait for my parents, I notice my reflection in the window. I knew I would be bruised, but what I didn't know was to what extent. My eye was black, my jaw was purple and I had scratches down the other side of my face. The baby starts to fuss again and I shift her so that her head is against my chest. This makes her stop. CeCe and Bullfrog walk over to me, "You're going home with us," CeCe says softly. "But I can't-" I begin but Bullfrog cuts me off, "Your principal excused you for the rest of the day." I walk with them back to the car.

**At Home**

We walk in the door and I walk to the kitchen and get a bottle for the baby. CeCe comes in and sits on a bar stool, "Eli, I'm sorry I snapped at you last night. I'm just.." She trails off, but I know what she was going to say. "It's okay. You're scared that she's going to be taken away," I say matter-of-factly. She sighs, "Yes. I'm also worried that if they do take her away, you're going to do something to yourself." I didn't answer her because I already had a plan. If next weekend the judge gives Julia's parents custody of my child I would kill myself. I knew that CeCe and Bullfrog took all the pills out of the house, but I knew people who could give me some. CeCe grabs my free hand, "Please Eli, don't ever hurt yourself again," she pleads with me. "I won't," I lied. She was about to say something else when the baby started crying. Thank you Julia. I give her the bottle and walk back to the living room with her. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket so I shift the baby and pull my phone out. It was a text from Clare asking why I wasn't at lunch. *_Long story. Got dismissed by Simpson_* I quickly texted back. A few seconds later I get another text from her, *:/ _I miss you* _I smile, *_Miss you too. Come over after school?* _She texts back, *_Sure =)* _I put my phone down and take the bottle out of the baby's mouth and put her in the playpen.

**After School**

Clare texted me that she was on her way over. I knew she was going to freak out when she saw my now bruised face, so I had to think of something to say to her to keep her calm. The doorbell rang and I answered it nervously. Her eyes widened and she gasped, "Eli oh my God!" I sigh, "Clare-" she cuts me off, "You got in another fight?" I gently pull her into the house and shut the door behind her, "It was Fitz." She shakes her head, "What were you thinking? So close to the hearing-" "I know. It was stupid. He just made me so mad though." She sighs, "Please just leave Fitz alone." What the hell? She is taking his side? "Clare, he instigated it," I say trying to stay calm. "I believe you, just please try to walk away next time." I sigh, "Okay, I will." She smiles slightly, "Is the baby awake?" I nod, "Yeah she's in the living room." We walk into the living room and I pick the baby up from her playpen and hand her to Clare. We sit on the couch and she baby talks to her making the baby smile and squeal. She laughs, "You are so cute." Clare looks over at me and looks at me quizzically, "Eli?" "Yeah?" She sighs and takes a second before she asks, "Are you cutting again?" I quickly answer, "No. I haven't in a while." She grabs my hand and pulls my sleeve up to reveal my scarred wrist. "Eli, then what's this?" She asks softly while looking at a scratch on my wrist. "I was just scratching at it, not cutting," I say while jerking my hand away. She looks sadly down at the baby who was starring up at her, "I cant even imagine what you're going through, but you have to stay strong for her, Eli." "I know," I say with an equally sad tone.

**That Night**

Clare left and I was alone with the baby in my room. I knew she needed to learn to sleep by herself in her crib, but I just couldn't be away from her. CeCe knocks on my door then walks in, "Baby boy, she has to go back to the crib," she says softly. I nod, "Okay." She comes over to me and reaches for the baby and my first reaction was to jerk away. She was patient while I slowly hand her the baby. Even though I knew she was going to be six feet away from me, it felt like she was being taken again. The baby settles comfortably into CeCe's arms, "Eli, she will be next door," she says softly. "I know, it's just hard," I say quietly. She gives me a sympathetic look, "I'm going to take her now." She walks out of the room and closes the door, leaving me alone again.

**Flashback**

Julia and I were sitting on the floor in my room. On the floor beside us were razors and gauze. Julia picked up the razor and put it over her wrist but I stop her, "Not there Jules." She sighs heavily, "Just one cut wont hurt." I shake my head, "The baby." She looks down at her stomach then up at me sadly, "It's kicking." I look at her sadly and move the razor away from her wrist and up to her arm and away from a vein. She looks at me with a new devilish side and she smirks. The razor moves smoothly across her arm and she moans. Blood started rolling down and she quickly swipes her finger across the deep cut and puts it in her mouth. I could tell my eyes were dilated because hers were. She wrapped the gauze around her arm and wiped the razor off and handed it to me, "your turn, Elijah," she says with a smirk. I take the razor and put it over my wrist but she stops me, "If I cant cut there, neither can you." I groan and move the blade up my arm and drag the razor across. I didn't cut as deep as I usually did, but the blood still poured out. Julia grabbed my arm and licks the wound clean. "Fuck Julia," I groan. She pulls away and smirks, "Are you turned on Elijah?"

**Flashback Ended**

The memory makes me extremely nauseous, so I run to the bathroom and puke into the toilet. What the fuck is wrong with me? If I used to get turned on by watching my pregnant girlfriend self-harm, there is no way I can be a 'fit' parent. The thought of the baby being taken away from me for good makes me dry heave painfully. I have to keep my baby.


	17. Wonderwall

**Clare's POV**

After I got home from Eli's, I walked straight up to my room, locked my door, and laid down on my bed. As I close my eyes, I start thinking about Eli and my relationship. Maybe it's too soon for him? I mean, he has a lot going on right now obviously. Thinking about all of this causes me to have a total girl moment and I start bawling. I love him, but he loves his baby, which he should. Is breaking up with him the right thing to do? Maybe we could just take a break? Maybe sleeping on it is the real answer.

**That Next Day**

Eli wasn't in English class today so I secretly pulled my phone out when Ms. Dawes was lecturing, *Everything okay?* I texted him nervously. He wasn't supposed to miss any school unless an emergency happened or Simpson excused him. I felt my phone vibrate and looked at my text, *Yeah. Baby's got a fever so Simpson excused me for 2day.* Relief came over me but so did worry again, * aww poor Julia :/ is she gonna b ok?* Ms. Dawes looked over my way so I quickly hid my phone and pretended to listen to her. Right as she turned her back to continue writing on the whiteboard, I got another text, *Doctor said she will b fine but she threw up on me twice….it was gross.* I smile, *Perks of being a father ;)* *haha absolutely.* I put my phone away and start to think about if I should break up with him for a while. Would I be a hypocrite for breaking up with him? I did say that I would always be there for him. Then again, things change. I'm interrupted from my thoughts when I hear, "Clare?" I snap out of it and realize Ms. Dawes was talking to me. "I'm sorry what was the question?" I ask nervously. She sighs, "Who do you think is the most influential author of the 20h century?" How long have I been spacing off? Damn. I think for a second, "Umm, I would have to say Agatha Christie." She sighs again, "Good, but next time try paying attention to the lecture instead of your boyfriend's text messages." I blush, "Sorry."

Finally after what feels like forever, the bell that signals lunch rings and I find a seat next to Adam. "Hey" I say cheerily. "Hey Clare," he says back. "Adam, can I talk to you about something?" He nods, "Anything." I take a deep breath, "I'm kind of considering taking a break with Eli." His eyes widen, "Why? I thought things between you two were going great." "They are, but he needs to be with Julia right now, not me. I am doing this for him," I say coming off a little bit bitter. Adam looks at me softly, "Clare, if you're feeling jealous you need to talk to Eli, he'll understand." "I'm not jealous, I just want what's best for him." I say sadly.

**After School: 8 p.m.**

My house was quite since my mom went out with some friend's. I hate staying home by myself, especially when it's dark. I took a deep breath and opened the front door and began to walk to Eli's.

After 10 minutes of walking, I finally get up to the front door and begin to freak out. What was I thinking? I should go back home. No! Walk up there and let him know what's on your mind! I felt like an idiot battling with my inner thoughts, so I got the courage to knock. A few seconds go by and then Eli opens the door. "Clare?" he asks with a smile. I fake smile back at him, "Hey." He takes my hand and leads me inside and closes the door behind me, "I missed you," he says while pulling me into a hug. I hug him back, "I missed you too." We pulled back and I noticed the silence lingering in the house, "Where is everybody?" " CeCe and Bullfrog took Julia for a while," he said. I nod silently, this is perfect. He looks at me for a second, "What's wrong?" I have to do this. I sigh, "Eli, I think we should take a….break." He looked at me heartbroken, "What? Why? I thought we were okay." "You have a lot on your plate right now, Eli. You need to be with Julia." He avoids eye contact, "I am with her, Clare. I also want to be with you." I hate seeing him sad, but I think this is for the best. "Not right now. Maybe after things settle down for you," I say sadly. I walk over to the door and put my hand on the knob when I am roughly shoved up against the wall; my wrists pinned to my sides. My eyes widen as I briefly get a look at Eli. His eyes were completely black; dilated. Right as I was about to get away from his grip and ask him what the hell he was doing, he started sucking and kissing my neck, making me moan involuntarily. He bites me before moving away and looking at me. "Eli-" he cuts me off my crashing his lips against mine. I struggle to get out of his grip which makes him grip my wrists tighter. What is wrong with him? I just need some space! I stop kissing him back and he kisses me deeper. He forces his tongue in my mouth and I moan. He pulls back and stares at me with an animalistic look in his eyes. I continue to struggle and during this process, I accidentally thrust my hips against his. His eyes widen and he groans. I stare at him angrily and he smirks devilishly. "Let me go," I say forcefully. He lets go of one of my wrists and puts it on my thigh. I push it off, but he just moves it back. He slowly creeps up my skirt and rubs the place between my legs. Damn! Why did I change into a skirt? I breathe a shaky breath and look him in the eyes. He smirks while he moves his hand into my underwear and continues his movements. "Ohhh," I moan breathlessly. He rubs my clit with the pad of his thumb which makes me buck my hips against his. He grabs my hip with his other hand and holds me against the wall. The feeling makes me moan again. He then moves a finger inside me. "Eli!" I gasp. My head falls to his shoulder and he moves a second finger inside of me. I groan, "Faster," I say breathlessly. He deliberately goes much, much slower. Bastard. I whimper and I can just picture the smirk on his face. Maybe I can break him, "Eli, I want you inside of me," I purr. He bites my earlobe, "I am inside of you," he whispers huskily. He pulls away and I lift my head up to look at him, "I-I want…" I trail off, hoping he wouldn't make me say it. He rips his fingers out and grabs my hips, "What do you want?" He says huskily. I whimper, "Eli, please." He grinds his hips against mine, "Tell me Clare." I lace my fingers through his hair, "Fuck me." He groans and I start undoing his black skinny jeans, which I'm guessing were becoming unbearably tight. He pulls my underwear down and I pull his pants and boxers down enough to free his arousal. He positions himself against my entrance and unexpectedly thrusts himself inside of me. "OHHHH!" I scream and shut me eyes tight. He pulls my hips to meet his, "Look at me," he demands. I slowly open my eyes and look at him lustfully. He pulls out a bit and then thrusts back in, making me moan and him groan. I tug on his hair making him moan and thrust harder. "Eli! Yes!" I scream as he fucks me. "Clare," he groans. He starts going harder and he starts rubbing my clit making me scream his name again. I could feel I was close, "Elijah! I'm so…..so close." He moves his mouth to my neck and start sucking hard. He starts kissing up to my neck, to my jaw and then bites my ear, "Cum for me Clare." That set me off. I grab onto his shoulders and start to scream, "Elijah!" I shook as I came, and he held me close to him. I could tell he was close too because he started thrusting harder and groaning. He grips my hips extremely hard and he groans and cums. He pulls out and we both slide down the wall, completely out of breath. We adjust ourselves before saying anything. I look over at him, "Eli what the hell was that?" He doesn't look at me and doesn't speak. I start to get angry, "Eli-" he cuts me off, "Just leave," he says sadly. "W-what?" I ask him speechless. He looks over at me, "You said you wanted a break, so leave." I could feel the tears brimming, "I think I made a mistake, Eli." He glares at me, "You're so fucking bipolar Clare! First you say you wont leave me, then you want to break up, now you think you made a mistake asking for a break? I can't keep doing this. Make up you're damn mind, Clare." He was right, I am acting bipolar. I take a deep breath and hold back my wanting-to-escape tears, "You're right. I'm sorry. It's just, I cant stay away from you, no matter how hard I try, I still want you. I thought that taking a break would be what's best, but I really don't think it is. I love you Eli." I start sobbing. His anger softens and he pulls me to his chest, "I love you too, Clare." He strokes my messy hair and kisses the top of my head. I wrap my arms around his torso and slowly stop crying. I lift my head and look at him and he softly kisses me. Right as we pull away, the door opens and CeCe, and Bullfrog walk in holding the car seat with the baby in it. Bullfrog takes one look at us and then smirks then looks down at the baby, "Looks like your daddy got some! Lets just hope he kept it wrapped up." I blush and Eli rolls his eyes, "Did you really just say that?" CeCe slaps Bullfrog's arm playfully, "Come on Bullfrog," she goes into baby talk, "let's go put this little one to bed." They walk away and I look at Eli, "I promise, I'm not going anywhere."


	18. Stop Crying Your Heart Out part 1

**Eli's POV**

I held the baby close to my chest while she slept. CeCe let me have her for the night because it could be last night I would ever have her. In seven hours, our fate will be determined. The thought of her being permanently taken causes my wrists to ache. Since the day they took her for a 'trial' period, all the pain I have goes straight to my wrists. I debate for a second to cut, but realize even 5 minutes away from her is too much.

_**Flashback**_

The baby was crying in her car seat across from me. Of course, I couldn't hear her over the music playing, but I saw the tears coming out of her eyes. I watched angrily as she screamed because of the loud noise. I paced back and forth glaring at her. She kept screaming, but thankfully it was drowned out. I picked up the car seat by the handle and forcefully dropped it on the bed with her inside. Looking at her made me sick, "This is all your fault!" I screamed at her. She continued to struggle in the car seat. My breathing turned into angry pants, "You shouldn't be here. _You _should be buried and not her you fucking mistake." My hands were shaking and I could feel the blood in my wrists burn; begging for release. I take a few moments to compose myself, then I turn the music off. CeCe would be worried if she heard the baby screaming the way she was. Truthfully, I didn't mean the things I said. If she died along with Julia I would have killed myself along time ago. Her screams weren't as loud as before, but they were still loud. Julia's voice enters my mind, _Eli what the hell are you doing? Being mad at our child won't bring me back. She needs you. _I take a deep breath then pick the screaming baby up out of her car seat. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy and she was coughing because she was crying so hard. She slowly stops crying and looks up at me with big eyes. "I'm sorry."

**Flashback ended**

**The Next Morning**

I didn't go back to sleep after I woke up last night with the baby. I look at the clock; 6:30. The baby was whining, so I get up and walk to her room to change her diaper. I change her diaper and then walk down to the kitchen to make her a bottle. I walk by CeCe and Bullfrog's door and hear CeCe sobbing. "Bullfrog this could be the last day I see my son alive!" "CeCe he's my son too, but think about how he feels," Bullfrog says back. I cant listen anymore so I walk away. It hasn't really hit me yet. In four hours, I will be in court having to fight for my own flesh and blood. Everybody seems to be convinced this will be the last time they will see me alive if I lose custody. They're right.

I puke violently into the toilet. It's hitting me hard. We have to leave in 20 minutes. The dread is setting in and so is the need to cut. I hear a knock on the bathroom door and then CeCe's voice. "Oh baby boy," she says while sitting down next to me. I look at her for a second before puking again. She rubs my back, "I'm so sorry you have to go through this." Bullfrog calls from downstairs that we have to leave, which causes me to once again puke violently. CeCe calls back that we will be down in a second. She waits for me to stop, "Eli, look at me." I flush the toilet then look at her, "Whatever happens today I want you to know that I love you very much, and you are an amazing father to Julia," she says trying but failing to hold back tears. "Thanks Mom," I say as we both get up. "We will be waiting for you downstairs," she says while walking out of the bathroom. I brush my teeth again before looking at the razor by the sink. Fuck.

As we drove up to the courthouse, I couldn't take my eyes off of my sleeping baby. She's lucky, she has no idea what's going on. No matter what she will be loved. Bullfrog parked and the car was silent. He sighed and turned around to face me, "You can do this, Eli." It wasn't a question, I have to do this. We all get out of the car and CeCe takes the car seat, but gives me the sleeping baby. From a distance, I can see Julia's dad and step mom walk inside. Fucking assholes. We all make our way inside and Ruby immediately walks up to us, "I'm sorry Eli, but they want to see her." I sigh and hand the baby to Ruby who then walks over and hands her to Julia's parents. I refuse to look away from them. They cant be trusted.

We take our seats in the courtroom after the judge walks in. She clears her throat, "Scott versus Goldsworthy for custody of minor child Julia Goldsworthy." "Yes Your Honor," Ruby and the other lawyer both say. "Ms. Anderson have your client approach the stand," the judge says while reading some papers. "Go ahead, Eli," she says. I go up and sit down at the bench and wait for someone to do something. "Proceed," the judge says. The Scott's lawyer walks cockily up to me, "Can you tell me the date of birth of your child?" What the hell? "July 29th 2010." He nods, "So that makes her…." he trails off, waiting for me to finish his sentence. Who the fuck does this prick think he is? "3 months 1 week and 2 days old," I answer smugly. He smiles insincerely, "Has she had all of her shots?" "Yes." "Is she healthy?" "yes." "Who watches her when you're at school?" "My mom." "That's lucky. Most parent's of teenagers who have kids when they are still kids themselves are not so supportive." Dick. "Objection," Ruby says. "I am disregarding that statement Mr. Hanson," the judge says. "I'm sorry Your Honor, I was just stating a fact. Do you know why Mister and Misses Scott are filing for full custody of your daughter?" He asks while pacing back and forth in front of me, watching me like I'm some sort of caged animal. "No," I say pissed. "They feel it is in the best interest of the child," he says condescendingly, "You want what's best for her? Or don't you?" I glared and Ruby stepped in, "Objection: badgering." "Sustained. Mr. Hanson, don't be condescending." He steps back, "No further questions Your Honor." Ruby walks up, "Do you love your child?" I nod, "More then anything." She smiles, "So you would never put her in harm's way?" "Never," I answer sincerely. "No further questions Your Honor." The other lawyer steps up, "You say you would never put her in harm's way?" he asks harshly. "Of course not." He pulls holds a piece of paper, "You NEVER put your daughter in harm's way?" "No," I say while glaring. "Are you saying you NEVER neglected to tend to your child while you were trying to commit suicide six feet away from her?" bastard. "Objection," thank you Ruby. "I'll rephrase the question," damnit, "Did you or did you not cut your wrists deep enough to send you to the hospital with your newborn daughter in the next room?" I suddenly become panicked, "I wasn't trying to kill myself." He smirks a little, "I will take that as a yes. No further questions." Fuck. Ruby doesn't say anything, "Ms. Anderson?" the judge asks. "No questions at this time Your Honor. Can I ask Mr. Scott to take the stand?" The judge nods and I go back and sit next to Ruby. Julia's dad sits where I was and glares at me. This asshole has the nerve to be pissed at me? He's comical. Ruby gets up and stands in front of him, "Can you state your relation to the child?" He clears his throat, "I am her biological grandfather." "I see. Mr. Scott, can you tell us all why you think Mr. Goldsworthy is an unfit parent for your granddaughter." I stiffen. "Well, I think he is a good kid, but that's just it, he's a kid. I love my granddaughter very much and I feel that if she grows up in a home with two loving and caring parents, she will have the best life." I am really tempted to tip this table and kill him, right here, right now. Ruby takes her glasses off and paces in front of him, "Do you feel like you gave her mother a good life as a child, Mr. Scott?" "Objection! Relevancy?" The annoying prick yells. "I'll allow it. Answer the question," the judge announces. Julia's dad sighs heavily, "No. I could have given her more." "Awe," Ruby chimes, "Is it true that you were a teen parent?" "Y-yes," Julia's dad stutters. What? This motherfucking hypocrite. Ruby turns around and walks back to the table, "No further questions." She gives me a smile that shows reassurance. His lawyer walks up, and asks questions that make him seem like a perfect parent. That's shit. For awhile, I stop listening and only here, "objection" "overruled" "objection "sustained". I hear my name being called and go back up to the stand. Ruby walks up, "Mr. Goldsworthy, are you the one who gets up in the middle of the night when the baby is screaming and crying?" "yes." "When you walk in the door after you come home from school, do you immediately care for her?" "yes." "Even if you have homework or want to go hang out with friends?" "Yes. She's my child, my responsibility." "No further questions." The Scott's lawyer walks up, "How long did it take you to be able to look at your daughter with love instead of resentment?" This fucker was just asking to have the shit beaten out of him. "Objection!" "Sustained. That's completely unnecessary." He walks around, "Did you immediately jump into 'daddy' mode?" I sigh, "Not immediately." He 'awes' "Was it because you didn't love her?" "No." "Was it because you didn't want her?" "No." "Was it because you are just a kid yourself and still want to be one. Nobody doubts your love for her, but you are still a kid who wants to be carefree and have fun and not stay up all night with a sick baby." I felt tears running down my face. He was right. I love her more then anything in this world, but I'm still a kid. That doesn't mean I wont stop fighting like hell for her though. "We will take a fifteen minute recess." The judge says and then bangs the gavel.

**So this is part one of the custody hearing. I will have the next part up really soon. Review please! **


	19. Stop Crying Your Heart Out part 2

Eli's POV

As soon as the gavel hit the wood of the desk, I stormed out. I didn't stop for my parents; I just needed to get the fuck out of that court room before I killed Julia's dad. I slam the court door behind me and wait for my parents to catch up to me in the lobby. CeCe rushes up to me, "Baby boy, it's almost over," she says while hugging me. Julia's dad walks out and I hear him ask about where my baby was. His lawyer explained that none of us were allowed to see her and that she was with a social worker in another room. He pushes his lawyer aside and goes outside, his wife nowhere in sight. Perfect. "Hey mom I'm just gonna go get some air. I'll be back in, in a second," I say while trying to hide the sinister look I'm sure was all over my face. She nods, "Alright. Your father and I are going back in." I wait until everyone leaves the lobby then I make my move. Julia's dad turns around and looks at me with a glare through the glass window. Prick. I walk over and forcefully push the glass door open and stare at him with an ice cold look. "What the fuck are you doing out here?" He says while lighting his second cigarette. I ignore his question, "Don't you know smoking is bad for you? I sincerely hope you didn't force second-hand smoke into my baby's lungs when you had her." He blows smoke out, "Of course I didn't, now I suggest you get your ass back inside, boy." I smirk, "Is that a threat?" He inhales, "That would be a stupid move of me to do, now wouldn't it?" Anger erupted, "Why the fuck are you trying to take my baby away?" He smashes his cigarette into the stone ashtray, "Because you took mine." I'm going to kill him. Before I could do anything, he shoves me out of the way and goes back inside.

We get back to our original setup and the judge told everyone to sit. "Now before we begin the second half of this custody hearing, I just want to remind all of you that we are hear to decide which household is best for the _child,_" she says while scanning all of us over, "Alright, proceed." Ruby stands, "Your Honor, I call Francesca Scott to the stand." Julia's step mom got up and sat at in front of Ruby. "Ms. Scott," she began, "Can you tell me your first reaction to finding out your step daughter was pregnant?" Julia's step mom cleared her throat, "I was very disappointed and I told her to, um….well I told her to leave." Ruby nods, "So, you didn't want her to have the baby?" "Not at first, no." Ruby walks a little closer to her, "Is that _all _you did to your step daughter Ms. Scott? Kick her out?" Julia's step mom shifted around, "Yes." Bull shit. She fucking hit her. Ruby nods, "No further questions," she says sitting back down next to me. Their lawyer walks up to Julia's step mom, "You loved your step daughter, correct?" She nods, "Like she was my own flesh and blood." He nods, "Do you love her daughter?" She smiles, "That little girl and my husband are the most important things in my life; so I absolutely love her." "No further questions." This lying piece of shit. I hate her too. Ruby stands, "I call my client to the stand." I go up and sit down in front of her. "Can you tell me about the day Julia told you she was pregnant?" I take a deep breath, "She came over and she was crying; she never cried. We were outside in front of my house and she told me she was pregnant." Ruby pushes her glasses up, "Did she tell you about what her step mother did?" "yes." "And what was that?" "She told me that her step mom hit her." Before Ruby could speak, the Scott's lawyer interrupted, "Objection!" The judge sighs, "Sit down Mr. Hanson, this is relevant and you know it." Ruby smirks a little to herself, "Where did she hit her?" "She had bruises on her face and scars on her back." "Nothing further, Your Honor." The Scott's lawyer stands up and puts his glasses on, "Is it fair to say that you have your share of scars Mr. Goldsworthy? You cut yourself correct?" If this fucking asshole doesn't shut up…, "Did. I did cut." He nods, "Would you mind showing the court your scars?" I look panicked over at Ruby. "Objection! Your Honor, we have already established that my client _used_ to cut himself. Can we move on?" The judge takes a second to respond, "I will allow it." My breathing gets rough as their lawyer smirks, "Go ahead." I slowly lift up my sleeves and display my pain. He sucks in a sharp breath and I hear CeCe gasp, "Is that a 'J'?" I nod, "Yes." I pull my sleeves down and he steps back, "No further questions." Ruby stands back up and smiles a small smile at me, "Can you tell this court why you love your daughter?" I smile a little bit just thinking about her, "She's the best thing that has and ever will happen to me. There's no words to explain how much I love her. I would doing anything in this world for her." She smiles more, "Nothing further." Their lawyer speaks, "No further questions Your Honor. I have made my case." She looks at Ruby, "Ms. Anderson?" Ruby stands, "I too feel as if I made my case." She nods, "Now, before I retreat to make my final decision, do either of your clients have anything to add?" "No Your Honor," Ruby says. The Scott's lawyer stands, "One request Your Honor," She waits, "Request of name change." My eyes widen. "Surname?" the judge asks. "Yes." She sighs, "I have not made my decision Councilor so I cannot grant that. This court is in recess until I have made my final decision," She hit's the gavel against the wood before standing up and leaving.

Minutes pass by like hours. I cannot even look over at Julia's parents. Ruby went back to talk with CeCe and Bullfrog, leaving me alone at the table. Even though this was an awful place to think about how I would kill myself if I didn't get her, I was. I would go home and fake like I would be okay, knowing that CeCe and Bullfrog wouldn't believe me for a second. After they fell asleep, I would go into my room and hang myself; I had no pills to take. While in the middle of thinking about that, a door opens and the judge sits down at her desk. Ruby comes back and stands by me. "Before I give my verdict, I would just like to let all of you know that no matter where this child goes, she will be loved, I know that for sure. There will be a restraining order against the party that does not have custody, for safety of the child. By the state of Ontario, Canada, I grant full and permanent custody of the minor child, Julia Goldsworthy to…."

I walk out of the court room in complete and utter shock. I didn't think I could walk, but I managed to. I pull my phone out of my pocket and turn it on. There were seventeen text messages from Clare asking about how things were going and if I heard anything back. I type her a message back that reads, 'I got her."

**Stay tuned for the epilogue!**


	20. Three Little Birds: Epilogue

**4 years later**

**Clare's POV**

The last four years have been the most incredible times of my life. Eli and I were in college and Julia was almost five. Since my parents' divorce three years ago I have lived with the Goldsworthy family. I have stayed up with Julia when Eli needed to sleep, I've cleaned up her puke when she was sick, and I've been a mother to her since the second I moved in. My parents immediately disapproved, but I didn't care. That little girl was my daughter. She has always know that I wasn't her biological mother, so she goes back and forth between calling me 'Mommy' and 'Clare'. Until Eli graduates we will be living here. CeCe and Bullfrog absolutely adore Julia, but then again who doesn't? Over these past four years, Eli's extreme separation anxiety with Julia has slowly and painfully started to fade and so has his cutting. Since he got full custody of Julia, he was officially declared non-suicidal. With the separation anxiety, Julia never questioned or fought it when Eli would suddenly have to be by her or hold her, she simply went along with it. Her maturity level never ceases to amaze me as well. I have always known that Julia would be just like Eli. She looks like him, speaks like him, smirks like him, has the same sense of humor, and has the same love of the color black and horror films.

_**Flashback**_

_Eli and I walked through the door and dropped our bags off by the stairs. We head the tv in the living room so we walked in there. Julia was sitting in front of the tv, watching Silent Hill like it was an after school special. I was horrified. I turn to Eli, "Eli! You're going to let her watch this? She's three!" He shrugs, "It doesn't bother her. She likes it." Julia turns around and stands up, wearing black toddler skinny jeans with a chain on the pocket, red toddler converse, and a black, red, and white long-sleeved shirt that had 'Dead Hand' on it. I sigh, "Eli she is a walking toddler Hot Topic." He smirks, and picks her up, "No she's not. This is just her style." They both start watching the movie and smirk at the same time when some girl starts running away from the killer or whatever. I hide my face and they both turn around and look at me with smirks on their faces._

**(Flashback ended) **

The days when Eli and I would come home from school and go straight upstairs, she would leave us alone. She wasn't the annoying-hang-around-whiney-brat little girl that some kids are. That's because she wasn't just any child, she was Eli's child. Though these years have been great, they have also been extremely hard too. The hardest thing I ever had to do was tell Eli that I was pregnant.

_**Flashback**_

_I sat on the bed with tears streaming down my face. How was I going to tell him? The thought of having a child with him was always on my mind but I never brought it up. If I ever did try to bring it up, he would quickly change the subject. I heard Eli coming up the stairs so I braced myself. He opened the door and immediately stopped in his tracks when he saw me crying, "What's wrong?" I knew we were young, but I wanted this baby more then anything. I smile a little bit through my tears, "I'm pregnant, Eli." He stopped breathing and just stared at me. "Please say something," I say quietly. His eyes become dark, "Get rid of it." Did he just tell me to get an abortion? "W-what?" I stammer. "Clare please, just get rid of it." I start crying more, "How could you say that? I want this baby." He looks at me with an evil smirk, "You know exactly how I could say that." I stood up, "That isn't going to happen to me!" I scream at him. "How do you know that?" He yells back. "Because I'm not Julia!" Right as I said that, I regretted it. He stared at me with total anger and disbelief. My eyes widen and I gasp. Julia was standing behind him. Eli turns around, picks her up, then walks down the stairs without speaking a word to her. A few seconds later I hear the door slam. _

_It was really late when Eli finally got back home. I heard the front door open and Eli walked in with Julia; neither would look at me. Julia went upstairs to her room and Eli walked over and sat down next to me, wordlessly. I sigh, "Eli-" he cuts me off, "Clare, I'm sorry I freaked out on you like that." "I understand why you did. I really do, but I refuse to kill our baby, Eli." He sighs, "I don't want you to," he looks at me, "I'm really scared, Clare." I move and sit on his lap, "I know. I am too." He kisses me deeply then pulls away, "I talked to Julia about why we were yelling at each other." "You told her….about her mother?" He nods, "She understands what happened to her." _

**(Flashback ended) **

After a while, things were going great again in the Goldsworthy house, that was until we found out our baby had Down's Syndrome. Our perfect unborn little miracle had Down's Syndrome. The news broke me. Though the news was devastating, it had no effect on our love for our child. Our son. So as I lay here in bed, feeling the trying kicks of our little James, I feel whole. I see light flood into our room and hear Julia walk over to Eli's side of the bed. I turn over and see her standing there; long black hair that ended at her waist pulled into two pig-tailed braids, black and red striped matching pajama pants and shirt, eyes green and shining against her pale skin. An exact copy of Eli in little girl form. "Eli, can I sleep with you and Clare?" she whispers. The fact that she calls Eli by his first name has always bothered me, but he doesn't mind since he calls his parents by their names. Julia has slept with Eli since she was born, and she still does at four years old. This has been one of the only things that has caused major friction between us. Lately I have tried to get her into her own room, so now she knows she has to ask to sleep with Eli. He looks over at me, "Ask your Mom." I nod, "Come here." She crawls up on the bed and lays in between us. She immediately closes her eyes, snuggled up next to Eli, who was also already sleeping again. I smile at the sight. I love them and always will.

**Ahhh! I cant believe this series is over! This has been sooooo much fun to write. All of your reviews have been awesome! Seriously, they made my days. Thank you all for being amazing! Just to let you know, I do not plan on doing a sequel =/ but that doesn't mean I am officially done with writing. Thank you again for being such snazzy folks! Oh! BTW, I made the baby have Down's Syndrome to change things up a bit. I have never read a story where they had a baby with a disability. Hope I didn't offend anybody.**

**Love, **

**ElixClareWriter**


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